Next year, we’ll be able to celebrate Christmas in the Hallmark movie, tiny details, scouring Etsy for the perfect decorations kind of way.  This year I’ve squandered a bit of my Christmas cheer by using valuable family-moments time editing photos of other people’s family moments, and I think our halls may not be decked in the manner in which they deserve.  But I have two weeks left until the big day, and I have new intentions and energy and I’m ready to rock this holiday.  Ready to revel.

We have had a few Christmasy moments, but like I said, next year will be a bit more picturesque, meaning maybe next year JDubbs and I will be able to sit back with a cocktail  every now and then to watch our kids attempt to decorate the tree, rather than living in fear that Em is going to break something/step on something/eat something that she shouldn’t.  She is only 19 months, after all, and although she looks up to her brother and keeps up with him pretty well, sometimes I forget that she’s still little.

I remember quickly, however, when I see her reeeeeeaching for her Christmas stocking, hanging by the chimney with care, and I have visions of our pokey metal stocking holder coming down to impale her right on her little Santa’s-cap-wearing head.  So the stockings really never hang by the chimney any more, they just kind of hang out on the floor by the tree.  Just as well, because now no one notices that Jax’s doesn’t match the rest of ours, a problem I was going to rectify this year, but like I’ve said, I’ve been a little lame in the details department.  Next year, oh next year!

Our tree was bought off the lot this year, since we had visitors and weekends planned, and since those darn tree farms are just far enough away to be a pain, we thought it was more important to actually have a tree than to find time to go cut down a tree.  Although now, looking back on our photos of cutting down our tree last year, with Em so little and snug in her reindeer bunting, I could just about cry that she’s gotten so big and now I regret that we missed out on our tradition.  Hilarious, since I was so skeptical about it when we first moved to Vermont, but now I miss that moment as a family when the kids scramble under the tree to watch Daddy saw and then back away ready to shout, “Timber!”  Next year we’ll do it again, but I’m surprised that JDubbs and I let that tradition fall away so quickly.  I’m disappointed in myself and now I am determined to do better this year.  And I must say, for a pricey lot tree, our tree is pretty darn beautiful.  I mean, it’s still Vermont, people.  Even our lot trees are stellar.

Oh, you can’t tell because all you can see are my kids’ grumpy, Grinchy faces?  Sheesh!  I’m glad I wasn’t counting on this for a Christmas card shot!  I think they talked about it that morning over Crispix and Advent calendar chocolate–No matter what Mom does, do NOT, under any circumstances, SMILE!  Maybe they are a little bitter about the lot-bought tree.

Way more exciting than the tree was setting up our Fisher Price manger, which is a huge hit with both kids, and is our big opportunity to try to explain the reason behind Christmas to the them.  Jax sings made up words and then belts out “the little boy JESUS!”  now and then, while Em brings the baby around the house with her.

It gladdens me when Em brings our handful of Christmas board books over to read, and when she gets so excited about the one about Christmas in the manger.  I know they’re little, but I do have a good dose of Catholic guilt about not taking them to church this holiday season.  I also would feel guilty about bringing them for the wrong reasons (i.e. to show them off in their cute fancy clothes, because Lord knows I wouldn’t be able to listen well enough to get in on the message).  So we’ll chalk Christmas in church up to yet another item for next year’s holiday to do list.  For now, I’m just happy they know that there is more to the season than just lights and gifts.  At least, I hope they do!

And lastly, next year I’ll have more to share than just this one blurry photo of the kids trimming the tree–

–because, theoretically, they’ll be one year older and I may be able to be more of an observer rather than standing vigil over our ornaments, waiting for the inevitable broken bulb or hook in the eye.  Next year will be better better in a go-back-and-look-at-the-photos-of-their-childhood kind of way, but this year has been nice in its own Christmas-with-two-young-kids glory.  Next year we’ll have already started listening to Christmas music before we decorate the tree so we’ll actually be able to find it when we want it, rather than searching and losing valuable preschooler attention span.  Next year we’ll trudge through the snow to find the perfect tree, and I’ll be there to capture their awestruck expressions as they watch their Daddy conquer nature.  Next year I’ll be able to put out more of our breakable stuff, may actually be able to hang all of our (matching) stockings over the fire, and will have taught my kids all the correct words to the appropriate religious holiday songs.  But for now, we’ll make do with our memories of the first Christmas where Em could walk and participate and hang ornaments, when Jax really thought if he yelled Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse! at the tree, he could get the lights to turn on (thank you, tree lights remote), and the first year that both of them were so excited for Christmas.  All that other stuff is nice, but this year’s been pretty great, too.  We’re very blessed with what we have, which is most importantly, each other.

And tomorrow, I will go buy a gingerbread house kit.  I told you, my game face is on.  Let the reveling begin!